Emotional complexity: making room for it all

Happy New Year y'all!! This week I thought I would share another practice that goes really well with Name it to Tame It which I shared last week. One of the things I mentioned in both my short video I shared a couple weeks ago and the longer one I recorded for this week is that Name it to Tame it often illuminates multiple complex emotions all layered together. It is like what is this onion of emotions? 😩 But in my experience seeing all those layers has benefits. And also there is a lovely antidote which I quite organically (meaning hadn't planned on sharing) added in when I recorded the longer practice. While drafting this, another "antidote" came to me so you are getting quite a lovely little potpourri of tools to try out in this week's edition😉

The benefits of seeing the complexity of emotions

Emotional intelligence - The obvious one is that it helps with developing emotional intelligence - being aware of and able to respond skillfully to our emotional states and others (this is what emotional intelligence means to me in my personal experience 😉). In my mindfulness meditation practice, becoming aware of the complex layers contributing to (or hiding beneath) my presenting, stronger emotion made me naturally want to give others a lot more grace when they were showing stronger emotions.

Responding supportively to my needs in the moment - This practice also helps me see cause and effect of certain emotions so I can take better care of myself. For instance, beneath frustration might be overwhelm, and overwhelm means I need to take a knee and rest to prevent teetering over into burnout. I might sense that beneath some resentment towards a co-worker is a longing to connect deeper with them, so I reach out to a buddy to have a catch-up phone date or walk outside to feel connection. This is all so beneficial for developing our emotional regulation skills!

Transforming mindsets and beliefs - Another one is that- with some kind curiosity towards ourselves - when we see all those layers, we have a lot to work with to transform our emotional states. And when we transform the baser layers- the foundational ones - that really helps us transform our mindsets, beliefs, and lenses with which we see the world. Powerful stuff!! I'll tell y'all what, belonging has been a base emotion for me and recognizing that at the foundation has really inspired me to find people and places where I can be me without becoming a contortionist to fit in. Military units come with some REAL strong culture y'all! 😓

The antidote - well, one antidote

It can be quite overwhelming to experience the awareness of the plethora of our emotions at play at any given time when we first start doing the Name it to Tame It practice. In my two-year mindfulness meditation teacher program, we learned a wonderfully supportive practice as part of Mindfulness of Emotions training module. I am calling it "this, too" because that is basically all you have to say. You sense grief under anger? "This too belongs." Loneliness? "This, too."

I learned to also envision your emotional field or yourself as a cloud of emotions as part of this practice. Sensing into that expansiveness, you sense the room for it all. One of my teachers Tara Brach likened it to the difference between a teaspoon of salt in a teacup or a lake 🌅 So I invite you to give that a shot as a practice on its own, or in conjunction with Name it to Tame It.

Another antidote - from poem to practice!

I also love "this, too" because it reminds me of one of my favorite poems, Rumi's The Guest House. It's about greeting all your "unwanted guests" (read - strong unpleasant thoughts and emotions) at your door - "welcome and entertain them all, even if they're a crowd of sorrows who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture." It's a beautiful encouragement for learning from all of our thoughts and emotions!

You might even experiment with mentally "welcoming" your emotions as part of your practice. It's wild what bringing a sense of welcoming does for me - it signals acceptance, and acceptance = dropping resistance. You can even try it out physically right now by "resisting" with your hands. Just press your hands (palms and fingertips) together right in front of your sternum- press press press, then drop! What a difference right, that tension goes poof! Acceptance of emotions can be as noticeable as that for me 🤯 That drop in resistance often feels like a noticeable decrease in muscle tension for me - or a softening of a sharper emotion, or a quieting of an unhelpful thought loop, I might even let out a sigh of relief.

Here is the poem for your perusal, and below that the link for the Name it to Tame It guided practice video I posted yesterday. Have fun experimenting friends!

In deepest gratitude,

💕Carly

Thank you for taking the time to read this newsletter!! If you know anyone who would benefit, I would be delighted if you shared the love and passed it along 🙏

You can find me on YouTube and Instagram with my Military Yogini handle, I'd love to connect with you there!

I greatly appreciate any feedback, comments, or requests for practices/info. I've got a lot of knowledge and skills to share with people, so tell me what ya need and we'll see what I can do!! Simply respond to this email to send me your thoughts 😊